Bleach Reality TV
by Ulqui4
Summary: The Bleach characters cast on your favorite reality TV shows, to make your shows that much more hilarious. Don't worry, this TV has a little bit of everything for everyone. CH.1: Ichigo stars in MY CRAZY OBSESSION CH2: 19 Kids and Counting
1. Table of Contents

**These are hilarious parodies of reality TV by the BLEACH gang! _Dedicated to myLITTLEshiroNEKO and IILesGeMeAuxII. First Chapter is to myLITTLEshiroNEKO :)_**

**Warnings: _The content in here is not *Kid* material. Bad language. Suggestive themes. And so on..._**

**A simple sum up: **_**the Bleach characters will be placed in each of these scenarios. Feel free to suggest bleach characters for each TV show and other TV shows for me to use.**_

**Table of Contents: [temporary]**

**CH 1: My crazy obsession**

**CH 2: 19 kids and Counting**

**CH 3: 19 Kids and Counting- continued**

**CH 4: The Soap Opera: You had detergent, you had drain cleaner, now presenting, BLEACH! The ultimate soap opera + A little Nnoitra short short.**

**CH 5: BLEACH! continued**

**These are ideas that are going to be considered:**

**Dance Moms**

**The Bachelorette**

**Long Island medium**

**Jersey Shore**

**The Next Iron Chef**

**Teen Moms**

**Who the *bleep* did I Marry?**

**Cops**

**Punk'd**

**American Idol**

**How I met your mother**

**I'll update this as it goes along; and if I haven't gotten to these chapters yet, atleast you know that this is the plan. Any thing that is suggested will be added to this list**


	2. My Crazy Obsession

_**Episode 1: My Crazy Obsession**_

_This will be written like a script sorta thingy._

_Italics means Narrator_

_**Kurosaki Ichigo **__is a college student and leads a fairly simple and normal life with his apartment roommates, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques, Ulquiorra Schifar, and Abarai Renji._

_All three of these roommates have experienced hell: Ichigo's passion, as he puts it, or as others put it, his obsession. Everywhere you look in their house you find strawberries._

_**Commercial Break!~~**_

_Kurosaki Ichigo, 20, is a junior in college, and he is obsessed with strawberries._

**Ichigo: **There are so many reasons for me to love strawberries, they're just so amazing! How can someone not like them?

_His roommate, Ulquiorra Schifar seems indifferent._

**Ulquiorra: **I don't care. I mean it's almost as if he… wants to marry those strawberries. Now don't tell Grimmjow, he was kind of hoping that Ichigo would marry him.

[Camera Crew: Mr. Schifar, would you like us to cut that part out? The part where you were talking about Grimmjow wanting Ichigo to marry him?]

**Ulquiorra: **Oh, no, no, please don't. Just keep the part in there.

_Abarai Renji seems indifferent as well but he tells Ichigo to try to get rid of his addiction._

**Renji: **I'm not trying to diss on him or anything but… it's, yeah, a little insane. He probably eats about 15-20 boxes of strawberries a day. He even has a strawberry garden in the backyard. He sits outside when it's nice, and sometimes even when it rains, and he kinda just… talks to the strawberries, I think. But, I understand how you can love something… But, I guess I just want my buddy back. Ya know, like un-strawberrified best friend.

_It's true; Ichigo's favorite pastime is reading story books and 'spending time' with his strawberry plants. After careful inspection, it is found that, sometimes, young Ichigo is often acting as if strawberry plants are real people. _

_His other close friend, Grimmjow JaegerJaques, seems a little taken back by these activities._

**Grimmjow: **Taken back?! Hah! I'm freaking pissed! There are strawberries all over the place! I mean that little rascal keeps bringing in all these goddamned strawberries! I mean what the hell? I'll open up the refrigerator, and what do I find?! Surprise, surprise! All of that strawberry shit! Not just strawberry ice-cream and strawberry jelly or something, I mean some nasty strawberry flavored crap! Just the other day, he went out and bought Strawberry shortcake-flavored dunkin doughnuts COFFEE! Just fucking great, he's turning into that strawberry shortcake bitch! He's a good kid, but I can't keep up with this strawberry obsession anymore. He goes around putting fucking strawberry smelling "Scratch-and-smell stickers" on the wall.

_It is clear that this obsession isn't only a weird addiction. It is a threat to his health and a "cock block" as Grimmjow describes. _

**Ulquiorra: **Of course it's a threat to his health. Eating strawberries, just strawberries, is terrible for anyone. I don't know if he knows this or not, but, eating too many strawberries can cancer. There is so much more than that. He wakes up every morning with these red patches. And if I say anything, he doesn't listen to me.

_Renji describes how more than just a hidden health problem, it has become a very visible health problem._

**Renji: **I swear, Ichigo is _ALWAYS_ in the bathroom, 24/7. He's always like 'I have an upset stomach', I say dude stop eating strawberries, and you've had an _upset stomach_ since forever! It's a good thing we each have our own bathrooms. Yeah, it's a big apartment.

_Sometimes the addiction creates a very big obstacle for Ichigo's social life. _

**Grimmjow: **It's a complete cock block! I mean he… he's good-looking, dare I say, even sexy! He could probably get any girl or guy if he got over this damn strawberry business! Ok, you can tell Ichigo's coming because he's always wearing freaking strawberry shortcake cologne. Who the hell wears strawberry shortcake cologne?

_After observing the issues that these people deal with, we decided to finally give Ichigo a chance to voice his opinion in a shot with all four of them. Be sure to expect the worst of the chaos._

**Ichigo: **Well, I wish you guys would respect me. I go through a ton of things just for you! And I mean, I didn't do anything to hurt you. Strawberries mean everything to me, they are my life.

_Out of context: The root of your love of strawberries_

_**Ichigo: **__When I was younger, my mother and I had a strawberry garden, and she named me Ichigo because the strawberries remind her of me._

**Renji: **It's not that we are trying to hurt you or that we don't like you, it's the exact opposite.

**Ulquiorra:** We are trying to tell you that you have to be really pathetic to base your life off of strawberries.

**Grimmjow: **Yeah, I found strawberry flavored CONDOMS in your room?! The hell are condoms doing in your room?

**Ichigo: **I was just practicing safe sex…

**Renji: **With who?!

**Grimmjow: **Nevermind! All we are trying to say it… [sigh] you are our best friend, we don't want strawberries taking over your life and replace the roles of people.

**Ichigo: **Grimmjow! [Throws his hands around Grimmjow]

_After this great experience, Ichigo has promised to compromise with everyone. He limits himself to only 2 boxes of strawberries per week and got rid of all his strawberry themed things._

**Ichigo: **[Wipes a tear from eye], I have… I've learned a lot from this experience. I think I did something good. It's nice to know that the people around me care so much. I've had to visit the psychiatrist a few times. His name is Byakuya. He's hot but he's a complete asshole.

_**[End Credits] **_

_**[Join us on the next episode, don't forget to review, favorite, and follow, and leave suggestions for other shows and who should be on the next show]**_


	3. 19 Kids and Counting Family Introduction

_**Episode 2; Part one: 19 Kids and Counting~ Introductions to all of the kids**_

_**Starring:**_

_Aizen as the dad_

_Orihime as the mother_

_Children (In order of Age)_

_Starrk_

_Yoruichi_

_Ishida_

_Nnoitra_

_Neliel_

_Rangiku_

_Ichigo_

_Shiro (Twins with 7)_

_Kira_

_Shuhei_

_Hinamori_

_Soi Fon_

_Renji_

_Ulquiorra_

_Grimmjow_

_Toshiro _

_Rukia_

_Karin _

_Yuzu (twins with 18)_

_**And on with Episode 2:**_

_Many people as parents can relate to the difficulties of raising one, two, or maybe even five children. But nothing compares to the Souske family. This extraordinary family has 19 kids. Yeah, NINETEEN FUCKING KIDS!_

_**AN: This is not in conversation style. The family members and their role in the family were chosen randomly. I actually put their names into a list randomizer to make it interesting.**_

With this family of nineteen kids, we didn't know where to start with the questions. So we started by asking the parents to tell us a little about their kids.

**Child 1: Starrk**

Orihime: Well, Starrk is our first baby, so we have a lot of love for him.

Aizen: We sure do, I mean he began the barrage of babies.

Orihime: Starrk's favorite hobby is sharp-shooting, and he's really smart. I don't know how, but he can handle all of the kids. Starrk is 24 years old and he's actually engaged to a really nice girl named Halibel, I think they will be getting married soon so they can start their own family.

Aizen: Yeah and who cares if she looks like a slut! We'll finally get one kid outta here.

Orihime: Honey!

Aizen: What? I was just telling the truth. But I promise, I love him, just like I love all the other… loving kids. Oh and you forgot something

Orihime: What did I forget?

Aizen: He sleeps all the time.

Orihime: Right! But it's really cute, I promise you.

**Child 2: Yoruichi**

Orihime: Yoruichi is our first girl, she's adorable. She's really into martial arts. Right now she's 21 years old.

Aizen: She's not cute, she's freaking sexy, and my youngest brother keeps threatening to married her.

Orihime: Don't say that on camera! And Kisuke does not want to marry Yoruichi.

Aizen: Aw, don't get jealous, she's not as sexy as you.

Orihime: Hah… Nevermind that, Yoruichi is a real leader. When I'm unable to do the work, she takes care of the kids and gets it done with the help of a few older kids. She was the first child that we had after our entire family moved to America.

**Child 3: Ishida**

Aizen: Ishida, Ishida, Ishida… what to say about him? He's a stereotypical smart kid. I think I'm going to give my business to him.

Orihime: Ishida is an amazing kid. He doesn't eat much, so he's really skinny. He is 20 years old; he helps all of the kids with their homework. Ishida-kun is really really smart, it just amazes me. He also likes doing archery

Aizen: Yeah, but whenever he does archery, he aims for my forehead.

Orihime: I'm sure he doesn't do it on purpose. And you can't give your entire company to him; you have to split it up!

Aizen: … I'll give it to Gin

Orihime: What?!

**Child 4: Nnoitra**

Aizen: Our fourth kid, Nnoitra, scares me sometimes. He goes around swinging around knives. He practices throwing knives.

Orihime: It's something he always liked to do, even as a little kid.

Aizen: Gimme a break, he didn't try to kill me when he was younger. He's 19 for fuck's sake!

Orihime: Language, language.

Aizen: We are really lucky that Neliel keeps him at bay.

Orihime: He's actually a really smart kid. He's just a little… independent and different, and special. But, he actually takes care of the younger kids. And, if you push him a little bit, he'll help with the work around the house as well.

Aizen: I'm still scared; please get him to _GET RID OF THE DAMN KNIVES._

**Child 5: Neliel **

Orihime: Neliel is our most helpful baby.

Aizen: Would you stop calling them 'babies', she's 17 years old.

Orihime: Technically, she is _our _baby, I had her.

Aizen: Did we say, Orihime delivered all of the babies by herself.

Orihime: Oh you! Ok, we still have to talk about Neliel. She does everything that she is told, she listens and she's a very smart kid. Other than Yoruichi, she helps me with the younger kids. She has this weird superpower where she can get the kids to settle down.

Aizen: And she's also pretty sexy. Hime, don't make a face like that, you're still sexier than her in my eyes.

**Child 6 Rangiku:**

Orihime: She's a really funny and hyper kid. Everybody just loves being around her.

Aizen: You mean, being annoyed by her?

Orihime: She's 16, don't you know that Hinamori really looks up to Rangiku?

Aizen: All Rangiku ever blabbers about are her boobs!

Orihime: Aizen…

Aizen: Don't worry; I still love her, boobs or no boobs.

Orihime: Stop saying that word, we are on public television!

Aizen: Fine, fine, next time I'll say *******

Orihime: *FREAKS*

**Child 7 and 8 Ichigo and Shirosaki:**

Aizen: Ok, finally we've gotten to the first set of twins.

Orihime: [sigh, then smile] Ichi and Shiro are really cute kids, they have really different personalities. They are both 15 years old, but Ichigo is older by 10 minutes.

Aizen: Why don't you explain their differences?

Orihime: Right, right! Ichigo is really kind and caring; he always looks out for the other kids. He's really all about the well-being of others.

Aizen: Annnnnd… Shiro is the exact opposite, he goes around scaring all of the other kids. If there was a prank, and it's a professional, well-thought-out prank, we can all assume that Shiro and Nnoitra banded together.

Orihime: …Umm… hehehe.

**Child 9 Kira:**

Orihime: Oh, I just love Kira so much! He never lies, he is really loyal. And he's 13 years old, and he is so quiet and never causes any problems. Remember, honey, even when he was little, he would never cry and it was just so peaceful.

Aizen: Well the peace didn't last.

Orihime: Ahem…

Aizen: Yeah, ok, well he's a good kid. He doesn't bother the crap outta me but I wish he would change his hair, it droops over his eye and then you can't see the eye. I swear, he's going to hurt himself because he can't see.

Orihime: I think his hair is cute, it's the prettiest blonde.

Aizen: How do you get so many different types of babies?

Orihime: What are you implying?! It must be weird genetics, because they are all from you!

**Child 10 Shuuhei:**

Aizen: Shuuhei is an interesting kid.

Orihime: Yeah, he is 12 years old. He likes spending time with Kira, Toshiro, and Hinamori, and he follows Rangiku around like a puppy dog.

Aizen: Did you know that he is obsessed with the number 69?

Orihime: He has that number all over his room; he is always saying that he's going to get it tattooed to his check when he grows up.

Aizen: Ok, this is just my hypothesis on why he loves it so much, is because we conceived him when we had-!

Orihime: Hahaha… don't listen to him. Us using the 69 position has nothing to do with it.

Aizen: Take your hand off my mouth! Besides you just said what I was about to.

Orihime: [squeaks]

**~~~~Comerical break~~!**

**Now back to the show…**

**Child 11 Hinamori:**

Orihime: Hinamori is a little sweetheart. She is only 11 years old but she helps around with everything. She cooks, she cleans, she's smart, I can't find anything wrong with her.

Aizen: Yeah I know, I do actually think she's a good kid.

Orihime: Can you actually not insult our kids for once? You know they're a result of your behavior.

Aizen: And none of your? Ahemmm? ;)

**Child 12: Soi Fon**

Aizen: Soi Fon… is—I mean _CAN BE _a complete brat.

Orihime: Aizen-kun, she's not trying to be, she is just going through that phase.

Aizen: You mean that phase when like when Grimmjow and Ulquiorra were obsessed with chewing my fingers?

Orihime: They were teething! Besides, Soi Fon is 10, its normal for her. Anyways… she's a real fighter. She role models Yoruichi.

Aizen: By the fighter part, she means literally. Soi Fon takes Tai Kwan Doe, Karate, and kung fu. Not to mention, she takes extra stealth classes.

Orihime: But that'll be really good for her, she'll learn self-defense. Now, if she ever gets assaulted, she'll be able to protect herself.

Aizen: Hehe… but you can't.

Orihime: You wish!

**Child 13: Renji**

Aizen: Oh, Renji, the little red-head was the beginning of all of our rowdy boys.

Orihime: Ulquiorra's not rowdy!

Aizen: That's what he wants you to think, MOMMY.

Orihime: Ok ,we are supposed to be talking about Renji.

Aizen: Right, he has red hair, and he reminds me of fire.

Orihime: Yeah, the little 9-year-old has a feisty spirit, it's fun to have him around.

Aizen: Oh, I meant it _literally _reminds me of fire.

**Child 14: Ulquiorra.**

Aizen: Ulquiorra's one of my favorites!

Orihime: Honey… You shouldn't pick favorites.

Aizen: But he's so quiet around others and then he's a bad boy around me.

Orihime: Yep, just by the age of 8, you can tell he's a complete daddy's boy.

Aizen: He has that unique look to him.

Orihime: Definitely, ever since he was born, we were completely blown away by his appearance, in a good way. He has that soft, delicate, porcelain-colored skin. And those eyes, they are just so beautiful, like big green emeralds.

Aizen: Remember that giant emerald ring that I bought you on the day that he was born.

Orihime: yes…

Aizen: Remember what we did afterwards?

Orihime: No…

**Child 15: Grimmjow**

Aizen: Grimmjow… Oh, Grimmjow.

Orihime: He's our, um… 15th child, he's 7 years old. And let me just say, he is a HANDFUL. But he's our baby, and he's hyper and follows around Ulquiorra like a tail.

Aizen: One less tail we have on our backs.

Orihime: And Grimmjow has this gorgeous baby blue hair. It's a little like Nel's but it's an even lighter blue.

Aizen: He's gonna be a gap model.

Orihime: He is not! He told me that he wants to be…

Aizen: Yes?

Orihime: He said he wanted to be Ulquiorra's kitty, whatever that's supposed to mean… It's really amazing how much he looks up to Ulquiorra even though they are only a year apart. He's always talking about

Aizen: What do you mean, whatever that is supposed to mean? Don't you remember when I used to call you kitten?

Orihime: I'm sure he doesn't mean it that way!

**Child 16- Toshiro:**

Aizen: Toshiro is very COLD.

Orihime: He's not cold just because his hair is white!

Aizen: No. Ever since he turned 6, he's been acting very bratty.

Orihime: It's just the way that 6-year-olds are supposed to act.

Aizen: Do you remember when we called him "Toshi"?

Orihime: Yes.

Aizen: Now, if I call him that, he snaps at me like a dog. 'No! My name is Toshiro to you!'

Orihime: Hm… That's funny, he never calls me that.

**Child 17—Rukia:**

Orihime: Rukia is a sweet little girl, and she's very nice and takes care of her younger siblings.

Aizen: And, she's always following around Renji. Not to mention, she's the grandparents favorite kid.

Orihime: They barely know her! She's only 4.

Aizen: Yeah, but you know, how your parents just absolutely LOVE her.

Orihime: They do not pick favorites!

Aizen: Hisana and Byakuya's favorite is Rukia~!

**Child 18 & 19- Yuzu and Karin:**

Aizen: They do not look like twins and they don't act like twins.

Orihime: Well, there's no rule that they have to look or act alike. But, Karin has black hair and Yuzu has light brown hair.

Aizen: They are only one year old. Because…

Orihime: _WE THOUGHT WE WOULD STOP WITH 17 KIDS!_

Aizen: Oh, geez, hime, calm down. But even though the twins are really young, you can tell they are really different.

Orihime: Like, Yuzu is quiet and likes pink things.

Aizen: But Karin is either really loud or irritably quiet. And she likes hurting other people with her toys…

Orihime: Ok, honey, that's enough.

Aizen: And you know how we said that we were going to stop at 17 kids?

Orihime: MmHmm.

Aizen: Well everybody knoowsss that you came crawling to me that night cuz you couldn't resist.

Orihime: That was you.

**Hah! Finally… finished with the intros. Next episode is going to be a day in the life of this family**

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	4. 19 Kids and Counting: Family Reunion

**AN: Thanks for all the support! This is the continuation of Episode 2, it's going to be a day in their life [not exactly ordinary[. This chapter isn't going to be in the format that the other chapters were in. It'll be more story format. The events are parallel Hinting at couples: Weird? Yes. **

_**Episode 2: Part 2-**_

_**A Day in Their Life.**_

**[Beginning is sorta mushy]**

The alarm goes off to begin another hectic day. Orihime quickly hits snooze button, how nice would life be if _it_ had a snooze button? She sits up in bed and strokes her hair while staring down at her husband.

His crisp brown eyes sluggishly lift their eyelids.

"…Hime." The hot breath leaves his mouth that is level with Orihime's thighs when she sat up. He plants a soft kiss on her legs.

She blushed a little, but she just bends down and returns the kiss to his cheek.

She got out of bed and before making her way to the Yoruichi's room. She opens the door to see Yoruichi already up and ready.

Yourichi is fixing her ponytail in the mirror when she sees her mom in the reflection of the mirror. She turns around and gives her mom a content smile. "I'll go tell Nel to wake the rest of the kids up."

"Good! I still have to get ready for today!"

"Oh right," Yoruichi rubs the back of her head, "the family reunion."

Yes. Today was not an ordinary day, today was the Sosuke family reunion.

Yoruichi makes her way to one of the bedrooms. It is painted a light baby blue color. The three girls are sound asleep. Yoruichi moves Nel's shoulder a little whispering, "Nellie, Nel, get up."

Nel wakes up with a quiet yawn and rubs her sleepy, yellow eyes. "What is it?" she asks quietly, but her voice doesn't have a sense of anger, just curiosity.

"Go get ready, today is the family reunion," Yoruichi reminds her, "I'll wake up Nnoitra and Ishida, and get Soi Fon ready, you guys go wake up the other kids and get them ready. We'll need as many hands as possible."

Nel goes ahead to wake up Rangiku and Hinamori to get them to help get the younger kids ready.

"Hina~! Rangiku," she coos. She talks in a high-pitched, soft voice because she doesn't want to make anyone upset or turn against her. That's why most of the younger kids absolutely love her.

The other two teens wake up in a similar manner to Nel. They stretch their arms up into the air, Rangiku's assets show off real well the glimmering light of the early morning. It is still only 6 am but the importance of this day must not be looked past.

"What's up…" Rangiku rubs her eyes. Hinamori sits up in bed and stares with gleaming eyes at Nel. "Good morning, Nellie-chan!"

Hinamori always keeps a good attitude and she likes to hang on to her complete Japanese heritage. She learned quite a bit of Japanese from their parents.

Nel likes Hinamori's soft smiling and her warm attitude. Nel ruffles the younger one's dark, black, short hair. It is down right now. Normally, it is tied up in a tight bun.

All of the older girls got ready at the same time in the enormous bathroom It had three showers. The house was custom-built by Aizen's personal crew that he hired by Orihime's suggestion.

Each of the sisters sit down on the beds and converse a plan.

"Ok, Ran, go get Ichigo, Shiro, Kira, and Shuhei." Nel tells Rangiku who she has to get ready.

"Darn! I was hoping to get out of work!" she jokes. "Just Kidding."

"Hm, you're funny Ran-chan," Hinamori said warmly trying to laugh at Rangiku. "I wish I could be as funny as you."

"You're plenty funny as it is," Rangiku assures her.

"Guys!" Nel gets the others' attention. "Hina, you're going to get Toshiro, Rukia, and the twins ready."

"Good! I love the younger kids." Hinamori seems relatively happy with who she got.

"Ok, then I'll get the Rambunctious Trio." Nel doesn't seem upset, but she doesn't carry a thrilled expression on her face.

"Oh, Nellie." Rangiku calls her attention.

"Hmm?" Nel looks up from a moment of deep thought to listen to Rangiku.

"You might wanna keep Grimmjow off of Ulquiorra."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Grimmjow calls himself Ulquiorra's kitten and he tries to "lick" Ulquiorra."

"Um, ok. I'll be sure to keep that in mind!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~**Visiting Yoruichi~~~~~  
**"Nnoitra!" Yoruichi's voice booms through Nnoitra's and Ishida's room. "Ishi-"

She cut herself off when she saw that Ishida was already up and ready. He was dressed in his normal, semi-formal attire of white clothes and his cape.

"You're gonna-" Yoruichi started.

"Yes, I am going to dress up for the reunion in a bit. I just don't want the fancy clothes get dirty." Ishida pushed the glasses farther up his nose.

Yoruichi seems a little pissed that Ishida answered every one of her questions even before she asked them. But, this is one of the disadvantages to living with a smart-ass.

The violent one shows up with a series of screams and yells. "SHUDDUP, YORUICHI! GOD! FAAACCK! Fuck! Fuck..."  
Nnoitra holds his suit up in the air. "Look at mah suit! It's pink! GODDAMN PINK! WHY?!"

Ishida holds a large grin on his face, he is trying really hard to hold back a laugh. Yoruichi doesn't even bother to hold back, she starts laughing.

"Ishida! Ishida! Don't you dare fucking laugh!" Nnoitra yells at Ishida.

"I"m sure it was just a laundry accident."

Ishida may be older, but when Nnoitra's tux turns pink, shit gets real. He is really angry, "I can't wear this pink shit! And nobody else's clothes fit me! Fuck, can dad get me another suit, like order one really quickly?"

"Sorry, Nnoi, dad's really busy and that's a hella expensive suit. You and Ishi got the most expensive suits cause you guys are the oldest. Not to mention..." Yoruichi places her hand on Nnoitra's head in affection, "You're the tallest kid; getting a custom tux isn't exactly easy."

"Goddammit!"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~Hinamori~~~~~~~~~**

"Toshi-kun!" Hinamori chases after Toshiro, but realizes that the other babies are awake and Rukia seems to be in a bad mood. Hinamori didn't have her dress on yet, none of the kids did.

Everybody knows that if they had their suits and dresses on, the outfits would've had to dry clean all of them before the party. Or bought new ones.

"You guys need to take a bath!" Hinamori yells over all of the noise. She goes into the bathroom and fills the enormous porcelain tub with a few cups of bubble soap and starts running the lukewarm water.

The strawberry aroma immediately catches Rukia's and Toshiro's nose. The fly into the room and they jump into the bath tub. The bath tub is split into two, one that is really small and shallow, the other is really big and deep, similar to a swimming pool.

Toshiro and Rukia know their place in the bathtub. The deep end. Daredevils. Immediately, they start splashing around and they start splashing water onto each other.

"Hinamowi! Toshi splashed water in my eye!" Rukia screeches, swinging her arms up and down.

"Hey! That's Toshi-_RO _to you!" The little white haired boy gets offended and yells at his little sister. "You are such a crybaby." He huffs.

"Guys, I'm coming, sweetie, I just have to Karin and Yuzu!" Hinamori calls back hoping to catch up with the havoc. She undresses the twin infants and threw their diapers in the trash. She powdered and wiped the little ones and runs into the bathroom.

She puts the twins into the smaller tub and goes to address Rukia's problem.

"Hina~~!" Rukia whined. "He splashed water into my face and now my eyes burn."

"Here," Hinamori gives her a splash of cold water, "Does that fee better?"

"Mhmm." Rukia nods and wipes up a stray tear from the corner of her eye.

"Hmph." Toshiro seems upset.

"What's wrong Toshi?" Hinamori keeps talking to Toshiro but she puts a stray eye out for the babies. They playfully swish the water around.

While they were dealing with that issue, their loving mother walked in. Orihime stood in front of the nursery. It was a neutral yellow with two cribs, a normal bed, and a toddler bed. Orihime has her hair in a tight ponytail and walks into the bathroom.

"How are my babies doing?" She cooed.

"Good." The kids all replied simultaneously.

"You guys know that you have to get ready for the family reunion.

"A family reunion?" Rukia asked.

"Yeah, you guys are gonna have to dress up all pwetty and all of your uncles and aunts and the rest of your family are going to come." Orihime picks up Yuzu and Karin and places them on a changing table. After drying them off, she puts them into new diapers.

"Hina~!" Orihime calls from the changing table.

"Yes, mommy?" Her little girl voice only captures more attention.

"The clothes are out on the bed."

After drying the kids off, Hinamori dressed, or at least, attempted to dress the kids.

The next 15 minutes are filled with "Toshi!" "Rukia!" "Come on!" "Get in the dress!" "Look at how pretty you will look," "No, no, don't- Hah...".

Finally, all the younger kids were in their 'pwetty' little clothes. Toshiro was in a silver-lined suit with a blue tie, Rukia was in a silver dress with pink flowers around her waist. Yuzu is in a light, creamy yellow and Karin is in a simple purple dress.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Neliel (Finally ^-^)~~~~~~~~~**

"Grimmjow what are you doing?" Nel wore a confused expression on her face.

She stared at Grimmjow perched himself on top of a sleeping Ulquiorra. Renji is still sleeping.

"Shh... Nel..." He hold a finger up to his mouth to try to quiet Nel, "I'm gonna wake him up. Watch."

Grimmjow bends over, his baby blue hair falling over and brushing against Ulquiorra's cheek. And he licks him on the cheek. Ulquiorra wakes up, blushing, and a little surprised. "Grimmjow, _what are you doing?_"

"That's what I just asked." Nel walks up to Grimmjow and picks him up.

Grimmjow starts to hiss. "Stop it Nellieee! I wanna stay with Ulquiorra!"

"Grimmy, come on. Don't bother Ulqui."

"Aw..." Grimmjow whines.

"Here, go to the bathroom, I'll be in their to give you guys all a bath."

Grimmjow runs into the bathroom.

Renji sits up in his bed, "Oh crap, I had to go to the bathroom."

"Me too." Ulquiorra seems a little urgent as well. Nel sits down on bed and sighs contently. Suddenly, she envelops Ulquiorra in a hug. "You're soo cute! I just want to cuddle you to death."

"I highly suggest you do not. I'm in trouble if you don't stop squeezing me." He struggles and tries to get out of her tight grip and her suffocating boobs.

"Nel! Grimmjow's gonna take forever in there! I have to go to the bathroom!" Renji jumps up and down in his bed.

"I'm sure he won't," Nel turns her attention to the bathroom, "Grimmjow? Are you done?"

"No!" He calls back.

"Ok, I have a different idea. Renji, go use the one in my room. Ulquiorra, come with me." She instructs the children. As soon as she opens the door, Renji sprints down to the end of the hallway.

Nel scoops up Ulquiorra and rushes him to the master bedroom. Looking around, she notices that neither of her parents were in the room, she tells Ulquiorra to go use the bathroom in their room.

He walks in. Then in a few minutes, he comes back with a flustered look on his face. His eyes are wide for a moment. His cheeks are a bright red that contrast with his emerald eyes.

"Ulquiorra, what's wrong?" She looks a little concerned.

"Um... I think... Mother and father are in there... together... in the- shower...? And there are a ton of weird noises."

"What do you mean?" Nel is still confused. Ulquiorra points in the direction of the bathroom. She walks in cautiously without making a sound. She glances over to the large steam shower. Behind the semi-pixelated screen, there are two figures. One has long orange hair and the taller one has brown hair. The two are encircled around each other.

Just as Ulquiorra described it, there are 'weird' noises coming from the shower. The steam is pixelating as much as it could but... even Nel couldn't lie about it to Ulquiorra. He knows what is going on.

"Can you... um... just pretend you didn't see that?" Nel asks nervously. Her little, semi-innocent brother did not need to see that.

"Sure. And I think I can hold until Grimmjow comes out." He tells his sister.

[when Grimmjow comes out and sees Ulquiorra, "Why is Ulqui pink?"]

After Nel got them to all take a bath, she arranges their clothes in a line on the bed. There is a light blue suit, a light green suit, a dark red suit. Each with their own matching bow ties.

"I wanna wear the green one!" Renji pipes up, "It's my favorite color!"

"No! I wanna wear the green one!" Grimmjow pouts, "It's Ulquiorra's eye-color!"

"Now, now... Ulquiorra's gonna wear that one." Nel tells the disappointed duo. "Grimmjow wears the light blue one and Renji is wearing the dark red one."

"Fine." They reply at the same time, both with their arms crossed.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Rangiku~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Sis, you look so pretty today!" Shuuhei sings as Rangiku came inside.

"Yes, you look very beautiful." Kira adds, his blonde hair extra glossy today.

"Oh my God! I love you guys, you just made my job a whole lot easier!" Rangiku is so happy that they already got dressed and readied. Kira looked amazing in his creamily colored tux as did Shuuhei in his ordinary black once.

"Yeah, we wanted to make it more convenient for you so—" Shuuhei starts to talk but Kira cuts in.

"We have Ichigo getting ready too!" Kira finishes.

"Haaai, ay, ay, ay, look at Shiro, he's a mess!" Rangiku sighs heavily looking hopelessly at Shiro.

The kid is sleeping with a magazine on top of his head, with strands disheveled white hair poking out.

Rangiku struts to his bed and bends over his face. "Shiro! Wake up!"

She sees the magazine and picks it up clicking her tongue in disapproval. "Don't read these either."

A very deranged Shiro wakes up from his slumber and looks pissed. "Why do you care what I jerk off to?"

Rangiku isn't one to be even the slightest bit flustered about these matters. She looks very discombobulated. "But… that magazine was full of male models."

"Your point?!" He snaps back at her. Angry, Shiro shoves his hands into his pocket. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Wait a sec, Ichi's in there."

"Haha! See if I care." He replies evilly, and opens the bathroom door to peak in.

His face meets Ichigo's fist as Ichigo walks outside in his orange tux, still drying his hair, "Nice try, Shiro."

"Fuck you!" Shiro shouts at his twin and goes inside to get ready.

"I see you're ready too!" Rangiku exclaims. "Can I trust you guys to get Shiro ready too?"

"Yes!" Kira and Shuuhei respond harmoniously.

"Yeah," Ichigo picks up the stray magazine lying on the ground with one hand as he continues to dry his wet hair, "I knew I shouldn't have lent this to him."

"You lent it to him?" Rangiku asks, even more confused than before.

"Well…" Ichigo stutters realizing what he just said, "Ishida let _me_ borrow it."

"What the hell, ISHIDA?!"

**~~~~~~Downstairs~~~~~~~~~~~**

"Grimmjow, sweetie, let go of Ulquiorra! Nellie, can you put this outside? Shiro! Stop! Don't spray paint the trees, please, Nnoitra! Yoruichi, I think the cupcakes are done! Aizen, honey, could you tell Toshiro to stop throwing ice cubes at people?" Orihime's commands fly through the tight air.

Grimmjow shakes his head in refusal to let go of his older brother.

"Let go!" Ulquiorra pushes him, "Mother!"

Shiro and Nnoitra hesitantly follow their mother's orders and stop spray painting the boring looking trees. Instead they decide to hang up _actual_ decorations.

"Aww, look at you good little boys!" Orihime coos at her sons.

"Don't push it, mom," Nnoitra grits his teeth.

Nel and Rangiku are rushing to put all of the food outside. They ask Ichigo, Kira, Shuuhei, and Renji, and Ulquiorra to lend them a hand. They all agree. After Ulquiorra convinces Grimmjow that holding holding on to him is a bad idea, Grimmjow goes back to his cold-hearted attitude.

Starrk couldn't bring Halibel that day because she was out of town. So his dad thought it would be a good idea that Starrk would wake up really early and watch his beloved father on a conference call so Starrk could 'get a hold of the reins'.

When all was said and done, Aizen asked his son how the conference call was. X

[His conference call went something like this:

Aizen: I want it!  
Other: But, sir—  
Aizen: No! I want that!  
Other: It would be nice if you could-  
Aizen: I don't have to do anything you say! You're not the boss of me!  
Other: Sir, you sound like a little girl.  
Aizen: Do you want to be fired?  
Other: Ok, the plan is settled.]

Starrk replies with, "All I heard was you bitching about and sounding like a brat saying 'no! I want this'."

"Good job!" Aizen pats his son on the back.

"What?" Starrk says, confused.

"You're getting the hang of it already!"

Starrk couldn't help but feel that his dad was mocking him.

Soi Fon approached Grimmjow, the two mean spirits collided.

"Fight me, ya pussy!" Soi Fon instigates the fighting.

"Bring it on, ya little brat!" Grimmjow holds his fists in the air.

From the kitchen, Orihime sighs, still wearing a smile on her face.

"Nnoitra and Nel must be fighting again," She tells Yoruichi.

"That's Soi Fon and Grimmjow," Yoruichi corrects her.

Orihime wipes her hands on her apron, a little concerned, she asks, "What did Soi Fon call him?"

"She meant cat, mom," Yoruichi assures her and giggles.

"Right, right…"

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~The reunion~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Finally, everything, and everyone, was ready. All of the guests had arrived. Rukia took their coats. Everybody was outside on the sunny, gorgeous late-May day.

Orihime had planned an outdoors party.

"Leave your business work elsewhere, Aizen," she warns her husband and playfully kisses him, "And you can punish me for making you leave your work."

Suddenly, an unexpected individual showed up next to them.

"Mother?" his static voice strikes the two sweethearts.

"Father, were you punishing her this morning in the shower?" He asks curiously.

Nel runs over after over-hearing their conversation, "What don't you get about pretend you never say them?" She seems really embarrassed.

"What in the world is he talking about?" Orihime asks Nel.

She whispers, "Remember when you and dad were _in_ the shower this morning…"

When Orihime still looks clueless, Nel cleans the murky water, "When you and dad were having sex in the shower!"

"Oh!" Orihime squeaks. Ulquiorra walks away with his doubts all cleared.

"Well, at least now he knows," Aizen beams as if he had just found the cure to cancer.

Aizen's brothers Gin, Shinji, and Kisuke along with parents Unohana and Ukitake show up.  
Orihime's brother Sora and their parents Hisana and Byakuya Kuchiki come as well.

How can anyone forget the older of the pack, Aizen's grandfather, Yamamoto Genryuusai.  
He was, at one point, a very successful entrepreneur and handed his thriving business over to his son.

"Aizen! What is the meaning of this!" he yells at his grandson.

"Don't yell at kids," Ukitake tells the 'dotty' old man.

"He's not a kid! Eh! Look at em, with those fancy gizmos, what do you call them, cellular phones? In my day—" Yamamoto starts a story but gets cut off by Nnoitra who just happened to be strolling past.

"Yes, we all know, back in your fu-, I mean back in _YOUR DAY_, you had to work hard and use the pony express or whatever," Nnoitra states, sarcasm playing clearly in his voice.

"See this one! He's a smart kid," he points his can at Nnoitra's lanky frame, "What's his name, Starrk?"

"It's Nnoitra," Orihime corrects him.

The old man scrunches up his nose, "Another one?! Aizen stop putting this beautiful young lady through so much trouble." His wrinkly, dry hands hold Orihime's soft ones.

"Oh, no! Not at all, I love having these blessings!" Orihime tells him.

"That's what they all say!" Yamamoto argues.

By the punch table, all of the kids were socializing as much as they could. Their uncle Shinji and aunt Hiyori, had two daughters, Mashiro and Ririn, and two sons named, Rojuro, whom they affectionately called Rose, and Luppi.

Even though their sons all look a little on the feminine side, they used to be completely unsure about Luppi. But, their questions were all answered when they saw him in swim trunks in the swimming pool. And during a prank that Nnoitra and a young Shiro played on him… the swim trunks kind of floated off.

Rojuro is a calm kid, he is the same age as Nnoitra.

Aizen's other brother, Gin, is married to Sung-Sung and have few kids, Yumichika, Szayel, and Haineko, Kaien, and Senna, in that order.

Yumichika is only Ichigo and Shiro's age. Senna is just a few months younger than Yuzu and Karin. Szayel is 13, Haineko is 9, and Kaien is 5.

Gin is also Aizen's partner in their partnership for business. So, they always are in contact with each other.

There is a lot of competition between Aizen and Urahara, his youngest brother. Urahara did not want any part of the family fortune and created his own, extremely successful business. But on the outside he built a candy store. His partner is Tessai. He adopted two kids named Ururu and Jinta who also showed up at the party.

Ururu is very strong and Soi Fon always challenges her. Jinta is a hot head and doesn't get along well with Ururu.

As for Orihime's side, it was almost a typical family. Sora did not have any children on his own but Orihime's 19 kids made up for it. Orihime's maiden name was Kuchiki, she was a successor to the Kuchiki fortune.

Her parents were the all-time famous Hisana and Byakuya Kuchiki

[I am not writing the rest the party]

They had a good time at the party. Doing the usual things. The people ate the food whenever they wanted and nobody had to listen to anybody else. At one point, the kids were playing some intense games like boys vs. girls or older kids vs. younger kids.

But at the end, only one whisper is exchanged.

"Are we expecting number twenty soon, Hime?"

**Thank you for reading. I became really impatient by the end of this. **

**Review, follow, favorite. The usual please. ;)**

What should I do next?


	5. Jobless Dead-Beet part One

**Title: **Bleach Reality TV/ **Segment: Soap opera**

**Author's note: This isn't really a 'soap opera', it's my take on Reality TV. Which can be so dramatic, it can sometimes be considered a Soap opera.**I know I changed the table of contents again. But I had to; I was suffering from a chronic case of writer's block. Not to mention, there was a spark of my grandma who came from India and loves watching these. The first episode of this soap opera is about Ichigo when he is 20 years old and he's a jobless dead-beet; not exactly AU but the Espada are kind of integrated into it differently. The second one is AU. Both stories are based on serials that watch with my grandma.

**Warnings: **Overly dramatic, bad words, OOC, you might "die" of just how cracky and "funny" this is. Lack of better title. Don't mind the pairings, I just had to pick on someone.

* * *

**Bleach for Life**

_**Episode 1: **_**Jobless dead-beet**

Kurosaki Ichigo's life was lifeless. He was completely dependent on his lunatic of a dad for money.

"DAD! I want a freaking job!" He screams at his dad to allow him some freedom to work and make money on his own.

"No, son, you can't have a job!" His dad sings, ruffling the 20-year-old's orange hair in his large hands, "You're too young, you can't grow up yet!"

Ichigo gives his dad a blank stare. He had just graduated college and had a degree and everything. The only thing standing in between the soon-to-be adult and the freedom of the sweet, sweet outside is his dad.

"Hey Ichi-nii," his sister calls him, "I heard they need a dancing taco at that new Mexican restaurant that they opened up called 'Taco Bell'."

"Karin," Ichigo's eye is twitching at this point, "If it's not too much to ask, I would love to keep the little pride and dignity that dad spared me."

"What are you talking about? You have no pride," his dad tells him the words that he wanted to least hear.

"Shut up, ya old geezer!" He punches the "old" man in the face sending him flying into the wall. "If you won't help me get a job, I'll get some of my friends to get me a job!"

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Ichigo lies there on his bed just staring at the ceiling that reminds him of his completely restrained life. He picks up his cell phone and scrolls hopelessly through the contacts. _Rukia, yes! _

He hits 'call' and holds the phone up to his ear anticipating a job opening. "Rukia? Yeah, where do you work? Oh… the animal adoption center. Ok, yeah that's great, no I don't care about bunnies named Chappy… OK FINE! I'll care about retarded rodents, ok, I just need a job. Can you hook me up? Really? There's an opening? Great, thanks, I'll show up for the interview. You don't need an interview? Ok, that's even better. When's my first day? Tomorrow… ok, tomorrow it is. I'll see you then, ciao."

He hangs up the phone. That night, he slept, dreaming about having his own job and making his own money, but most of all, he dreamed about his dad not annoying him.

* * *

_**[ THE NEXT DAY ]**_

* * *

"Yoh, what's up?" He answered the phone to his red-haired companion. "I'm heading to my first job today. That's great. I'm sorry but I don't _CARE ABOUT YOUR FIRST JOB. _Did you forget you're 5 years older than me? OK, yeah, well I'll be successful one day too. Shut up. Oh my job is at a pet adoption center, I don't think it'll be too bad. Yeah, ok, shut up Renji! LEAVE. I hate you!" Ichigo violently shuts the call off in the midst of all of the people around him.

Ichigo snarls, _who the hell does he think he is?! So accomplished, my ass! Wait till I get as good as him. I wish he'd stop saying "love ya too" at the end of every freaking phone call!_

Walking into the adoption center, there is a nice lady that shows him inside and leads him to Rukia and Hanatarou.

"Ichigo!" Rukia points to the very suspicious-looking squirrel, "Look at him, isn't he cute?"

Ichigo can hear all of the different animal noises making the place sound like a jungle. He looks around and he can see _all_ of the animals. And there were a crap ton of animals in the place. He is taken back as one can clearly tell by his facial expression.

"Ichigo-san," Hanatarou comes up with a very innocent look on his face, "It'll be very easy for you, Ichigo-san, after all, I've seen what you can do!"

"I can to! It's just that weird-looking squirrel. I don't like the look on that thing…" Ichigo replies nervously, his finger pointing towards the seemingly innocent woodland creature.

"Ichigo, can you take care of this little guy? He's new," Rukia was talking about the squirrel, those beady eyes stare Ichigo down.

"UM… isn't there anything else that I can take care of?" Ichigo asks nervously to try to avoid the small creature.

"Of course you have to! You just have to spend extra time with this one and make sure he's adapting to this place." Rukia smiles and leaves Ichigo to the job. Ichigo supposes that he could come back to the squirrel as the rodent wasn't doing anything.

In the middle of feeding some of the dogs, our Ichigo hears a chattering from behind. Slowly, he turns around and sees the squirrel going crazy about to attack him. The squirrel makes a very heroic leap forward.

"HOLY SHIT! SOMEONE GET THIS SQUIRREL A SMALL STRAIGHTJACKET!"

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**[-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][-][Buy some whatnot!]**

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A phone went off; Ichigo lifts up the phone and answers it, "Hello…"

His voice trails off. He's really, really tired and disappointed with the outcome of his first job.

"Yo! How was your first day of work?" It is Renji on the other side of the line.

"Amazing, just freaking amazing," Ichigo replies with the most sarcastic, worn-out voice ever.

"Yep, sure sounds like it. What happened?"

"There was a squirrel… and it went crazy and attacked me, I swear that thing needs to put in a mental hospital!"

The other side of the line is roaring with laughter much to Ichigo's dismay. "Shut up! I'm serious!"

"Ok, Ichi, you lost your first job because of an out-of-whack squirrel, let's see how you do with your other jobs."

"I don't get it, why can't a substitute shinigami count as a full time job?"

"Because… most humans don't know that exists and you don't get any pay from it until you are dead. Just like Espada."

"Oh, whatever, I'm hanging up, I got to my house and I think… that's Gin's car… gahh…"

"Ok, see ya."

Hanging up the phone, the orange-haired guy walks slowly into the house anticipating the arrival of Gin Ichimaru.

"IchigoooooOO!" His dad's entrance is the same as ever. Ichigo's reaction is also the same as ever: a punch to the face.

"Ichigo! Ichimaru-san is here, he wanted to ask you for something!" His father sounds ecstatic.

"What' do you want, Gin?" Ichigo groans, he never really like Gin very much.

"Ichigo-kun! My how ye've grown! But I had a favor ta ask of ya."

"Mhmm, I'm listening."

"It's a job; I need you to take care of the Espada for a day since they all turned into kids from their reincarnations." Ichigo didn't like the look in his eyes. Well I wouldn't have if he opened his eyes! But he kept staring me down. _[Replay the stare down 20 gazillion times!]_

But, gathering together whatever courage he had left to spare, Ichigo stands in front of him, "Fine, when do I start, and how much will I get paid?"

"Hm… For Ichigo-kun, how about you start tomorrow, and I'll pay you $50 and hour?" Wow, Gin is being extremely generous, or this is going to be a risky deal.

"Done!" Ichigo shakes his hand that he held out vigorously. After his happiness façade, Ichigo dragged myself up the stairs, exhausted. Stupid job, stupid squirrel.

He throws myself on the bed deciding skipping dinner today. "Yuzu, I'm skipping dinner today, I'm really tired."

"Ok, onii-chan, if you change your mind there's some always downstairs!" There is sense the franticness in her voice. She is such a caring sister; The one that cares so much about her brother who just happens to run into the worst of the bad luck.

The next morning, Ichigo wakes up with great anticipations of making $500 today. But, it comes with the price of spending ten hours with some potentially dangerous toddlers. For the case of drastic measures, he grabs Kon so he'll be able to switch out as needed from his Shinigami form. He leaves the house after a quick shower and breakfast. Some job he's got, as a babysitter for ten malicious killing machines. It brings up the question of why he wasn't able to keep up with the squirrel.\

The sun shines in his eyes, but what really awaits him?

**TO BE CONTINUED…**

* * *

**Author's Note: **Please, please, readers, review! I'm asking this of you from all of my stories, I really want feedback. By reading the story, you already did a huge favor, now, just type a little note commenting on the story at the end!

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_**And now… Presenting: A little short short! This is a short clip from our 'Espada's dead life' section! Hope you enjoy!**_

**EP. 2: Not my baby?! **_(Starring Nnoitra)(AU)_

A soft silence floated over through the room. The footsteps of those who paced back and forth in deep thought filled the room.

"Holy fuck! I can't fucking believe this!" Nnoitra yells at the top of his lungs with his other friends sitting in the room.

"I can't believe my baby's gonna be black! Did she cheat on me?!" He falls into the chair in with a hysterical expression as he looks at the others for some sort of advice.

Grimmjow flips his hair in slow motion and it plays over four times. "Nnoitra, I don't think Nel is the type to cheat."

"Yes," Ulquiorra adds with his eyes bright as he looks up from some sort of dramatic novel, "Did you see the baby? You keep saying it's _going _to be."

"Geez, Ulqui! I don't have to see it, I remember what she said perfectly before she lost consciousness out from losing too much blood in the hospital," Nnoitra held up his video camera.

The other two males stare at Nnoitra with an expression that says _YOU ARE A COMPLETE DUMBASS._

They are speechless for a few moments.

"So…" Grimmjow takes a moment to breathe, "You're wife is at the hospital and she was going to give birth to your first baby, you are the dad, and she's lost consciousness and could be dying, so you came here?"

"Yeah, so?!" Nnoitra retorts, "look at this, I don't even know if it's my kid."

Nnoitra settles himself in between the two so each of them has a good angle to watch the video:

_Nel lies there, frantically breathing; her chest rises and falls multiple time. Her knuckles are white and her face is pale. The entire body that lies upon the bed is shaking and one can feel the IV stand rattling. _

"_Nellie, when is the baby coming? I'm tired of waiting." A huskie voice calls to her._

"_Nnoi… everything… I see… baby's… black…" And she passes out and starts to flat line._

"_Nel? HOLY SHIT!" the camera drops on the ground but the faint whispers and panic of the doctors and nurses rushing in to help her heart start beating again can be heard._

"Nnoitra?" Grimmjow and Ulquiorra ask with sarcasm flooding through their voices.

"Yep?"

"You are a fucking retard!" They both explode violently at him.

"Is Neliel even alive?!" Ulquiorra shouts with the panic clear in his voice.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Grimmjow is furious.

"Yeah, yeah, she'll be fine," Nnoitra groans at the others' reactions. He is upset because they aren't concerned about his baby coming out and being black and not his.

"So, you're still concerned that your baby is going to be black?" Ulquiorra asks with an eye brow raised, "Are you really that stupid? Do you think that just because you're wife whispered 'black' in a semiconscious state that she means the baby is going to be black?"

"She probably meant that she was seeing black before she passed out!" Grimmjow tries to slap some common sense into the taller man but his efforts prove fruitless.

"You guys do not know how to interpret stuff!" Nnoitra shakes the advice off.

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_**The next day:**_

_On the phone:_

**N:** Hey! Holy shit, guess what!

**G: **What… Wait, is Nel still alive?

**N: **Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's alive. But guess what, my baby isn't black!

**G: **Did you really think your baby was going to be black?

**N:** No shit!

**G: **You are truly an idiot, Nnoi.

**N: **Oh shuddup! Ya wanna see the baby?

**G: **Sure, I'll be there and bring Ichi along.

**N: **Ya know, at first the baby looked blue.

**G: **… *Hangs up*


End file.
